To the consumer

Dear lady in front of me at Food Lion:

I just wanted to write and tell you how much I appreciated our conversation last Saturday. I have to admit I was a little bit confused when you didn't leave right after your transaction was done, and instead watched all of my items being scanned. Then, I wondered why you were so concerned with asking the cashier if I had bought the eggs that were on sale...

"They were only $0.89!!!" you stage-whispered to me frantically.

I shook my head. No, I'm an idiot. I didn't see the eggs that were on sale. Instead, I bought the ones that were $1.39. Noooooooooooooooo!

When I assured you that it was okay, I really wasn't excited that you told the cashier that I "must have plenty of money". I was a little peeved that you had let it slip that I am astoundingly rich, and I hope no one else in the store overheard, or they might have been upset that every other item in my cart was store brand. I especially appreciated it when you told me that "one day I would learn to count my pennies".

Now that I know how rich I am, I can quit doing Rite Aid rebates and shopping with triple coupons. I can't tell you how valuable this information is to me, and my husband will be quite happy to realize we can both retire at a young age and stay home with our children.

Sincerely,
The Girl Who Somehow Nodded Graciously and Walked Out of the Store Without Saying a Word