Fleeting Thoughts After Midnight

I miss the days when I used to blog regularly. My memory isn't that great, so when I can look back at stories, pictures, and videos on my blog, it really helps me remember what I was feeling during certain phases of my life. I think this is a great time to try to blog again, because I want to remember this phase. I want to remember that I can do hard things!

About nine months ago I took a teaching gig, teaching English to kids in China. I was excited about it, even though it meant waking up to teach at 6:40 a.m. (Mornings have NEVER been a friend of mine!) When the time changed back in the fall, I remember telling Stephen I couldn't possibly get up to teach the new 5:30 a.m. classes! But I was determined, and once I started, it actually wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. It's funny now, looking back on that, because...

Now we are in the middle of a health crisis in China. The Coronavirus has struck tens of thousands of people. Families are quarantined in their homes. Schools are not in session. Today we saw that over 1000 people have died from the virus. It's a very serious situation. Due to the children not being allowed to go to school, our company added on extra classes for these kids. And because I am very highly motivated by money and helping out in their time of need, I am GOING FOR IT! Now that I look back and think about how hard it was to get used to teaching at 6:40 a.m., I laugh to myself! I thought I would share here what a typical day looks like for me in this season.

I start teaching at 6:50 p.m. when I can. Wednesday nights and Sunday nights I don't do this because of church commitments. I usually stop teaching around 8:00pm so I can fix dinner as everyone is getting home from afternoon activities. I try not to teach again until 8:50 or 9:30 p.m. so I can at least hang out with everyone a little bit (particularly Stephen since I've been with the kids all day anyway!) And sometimes I can't start until these later times anyway, because I'm responsible for getting a kid to or from their activity.

I have a break at 11:30 p.m. No classes are scheduled from this time until 12:30 a.m. so this is when I take a shower, brush teeth, etc. Basically I do my entire routine to get ready for bed so I'm ready to sleep when I'm done teaching. I usually finish this by midnight so I have time to sit down and read, or just watch some short videos or something to relax. Nothing too stimulating for my brain during this time period - I just want to relax!

At 12:30 a.m. classes start back up. I teach until 3:40 a.m. At this time there are no other classes scheduled until 4:50 a.m., so I try to sleep. I usually get in 45 minutes or so before my alarm goes off. I'm pretty hyped up after doing so many classes in a row, so it can be hard to wind down! Once I start teaching at 4:50 a.m. I'm not done until 8:00 a.m. At this time I'm completely done until the evening, so I can SLEEP!

Most days I am able to sleep until 9:30 a.m. We do have a soup kitchen we work at, we have play dates that are scheduled, geography classes at the library, co-op, etc. If I can sleep until 9:30 I can make it through our scheduled activities without any issues. After lunch is done the kids know I may play a handful of games with them or read a book with them, but then I'm going to have to take a nap. I usually try to sleep from about 1:30 to 3:30. If at all possible, I prefer to take a nap later in the day. For example, tonight I was able to nap from 5:30pm to 7:00pm and that should serve me well in these midnight hours!

I've definitely gotten in a routine. This routine isn't forever. The kids are supposed to be quarantined for about another 2-3 weeks and then life will return to normal. So I'm embracing this right now. What exactly does that mean? I'm not helping my kids with schoolwork as much. They are on their own - they know I will check their work and they save things for me if they have questions, but I am not sitting down to do it all with them right now. It means I have to say no to some stuff. We're spending more time at home in February so I can do this schedule and get some sleep so I'm safe while driving the kids around.

Now, the job is flexible. So I can cancel classes in order to cook dinner, go to a hockey game with friends, or meet up with friends who are in town from Florida. I love that flexibility. I also like that I can work 35-40 hours a week if I want to and not feel guilty about it. I'm still getting in plenty of quality time with my kiddos, and they're also learning those valuable skills called "independence" and "entertain yourselves QUIETLY FOR PETE'S SAKE"!

I'm wearing other hats and this doesn't get in the way at all. I don't schedule 12:30 - 3:30am classes on Wednesdays, only the 4:50-8:00 am classes. I want to be fresh for teaching preschoolers at co-op. I am able to work on that lesson in between classes. I can work on my Sunday school lesson, AWANA lesson, and Children in Action lesson for church in between classes. I can work on Rodan + Fields and place orders. I can do laundry and dishes and organize parts of the house that won't wake anyone up.

I've always kind of been a night owl, so it doesn't surprise me that I've acclimated to this schedule fairly quickly. I do know that it's also because my family is INCREDIBLY supportive. My kids are old enough to take care of themselves and I don't have to worry about what they are doing while I'm sleeping.

What was really tough was when Brianna got sick not once, but twice, while Stephen was TDY and I was working these hours. Fortunately, I was able to cancel classes to take care of her, but I was a major walking zombie the first 12 hours she was sick because I hadn't slept at all and then I was up with her. But hey, that's part of life.

I feel really blessed to have a part-time job like this. The kids I teach are phenomenal and they are so funny. They are smart and want to learn. The pay is great and the hours work with my schedule. Sometimes Brianna comes into my office and lays on the floor, curled up with her pillow and blanket, and listens in on my classes, and then afterwards we laugh about the kid named "Dudu" or how Billy demanded that I call him "Spiderman" or we "ooh" and "ahh" over the art the kids show me.

When I first started working nights it was really hard on Bri. She is a big snuggler and she didn't appreciate the fact that I would be working during her prime time for snuggling! I promised her this is just a season, and I have found ways to get in that snuggle time with her in between classes, or during the day, or if a class of mine gets canceled at the last minute. I've told her and Hunter this, and I hope they realize it - I do this for them. I want them to see that I work hard. I want them to see that you can do all the things that you are passionate about. God will work those things out for you. God gives you these awesome desires in your heart and then He brings them to fruition in ways you never would have imagined.

So while you may notice my dark circles more in February, or I may repeat things in conversations we have, it's all worth it to me. I feel so happy and so blessed to do what I do, and not give up homeschooling, or church activities, or miss out on things with my family. Life is pretty darn good right now.

Wonderful Wednesday

Today was not a typical Wednesday. On a typical Wednesday, the kids and I go to work at Sandhills PCA until lunchtime, then we rush home to eat lunch, have a one-hour rest time (more for myself than the kids, I think), do our school day, and then play a little before we go to evening service at our church.

Today was a bit different. We still went to our job at PCA, but Brianna did her school work in the car because we had a fun afternoon planned. After babysitting a dozen kids during Bible study, we were off to spend the afternoon at Grandma and Grandpa's house! Hunter woke up really early this morning so I picked out a recipe for him to cook for dessert. They were supposed to be chocolate chip cookie bars, and had only four ingredients - butter, brown sugar, flour and chocolate chips. Only they didn't look like any cookie bars I'd ever made, so I just kept on cooking them until I thought they must be done. They ended up a little crunchy. But they still tasted good, and Grandpa even had seconds! Anyway, after lunch I went to run errands and the kids spent the afternoon playing games, reading, being introduced to Shirley Temple, and eating lots of good snacks. They love their one afternoon a week at Grandma and Grandpa's! My parents also got me an incredibly beautiful bouquet of flowers to celebrate my recent Spartan Race. Mom got them because of the sunflowers in them. They are so beautiful and I never have fresh flowers in my house, so I was thrilled! They are adorning my countertops as we speak and it makes me think I should pick fresh flowers later this spring, or at least get some from the farmers market.

When we got home we didn't have to rush off to church. Instead, we decided to "live stream" it which is a new thing our church has started doing. We cooked some pizzas and sat down to watch the revival meeting that is going on this week. I have to say, although there is nothing better than sitting in church with some of your best friends and family, LiveStream is so much easier for nights like tonight! The kids became disinterested in the sermon rather quickly so they went upstairs to play while Stephen and I finished watching the sermon.

After it was over the kids asked if they could watch an Andy Griffith episode, which is our typical TV show we watch on Wednesday nights and Sunday nights after church. Stephen explained to them that I have implemented a new rule, which is no TV after 8:00 (I have always wanted this rule implemented but he has never been in favor of it, so this is a victory for me!), to which Brianna immediately burst into tears and yelled, "Worst rule EVER!" I'm so thankful she was stomping up the stairs so she couldn't see Stephen and I look at each other and start laughing! Although then she tacked on, "It's even WORSE than the rule Mom made about my stuffed animals!" which is: if she obtains a new stuffed animal she must get rid of one old one.

So apparently we rock at making rules.

Birthdays and Allergy Testing

Yesterday was Brianna's 7th birthday. Seven years old? That seems so impossible. I have actually been getting used to the 7-year old idea for the last couple of months, but now that the school year is winding down I have to get used to saying my daughter is about to start second grade. And that is just WAY too old for my liking.

I'm so thankful we have such simple kids. We spent the morning playing a couple of games, doing our schoolwork (just math) and then spent the afternoon at our homeschool co-op where she celebrated her birthday with many of her closest friends. When we got home, she was so excited to see that Stephen was already home from work, because that meant she was allowed to open her birthday presents from us. We got her a portable CD player and a custom-made T-shirt that says, "Jeep Hair Don't Care". Hunter and Brianna tend to fight over music in the car (she wants it, and she wants it LOUD, and he either doesn't want it at all or wants to hear the CD without her singing) so we thought the CD player would be awesome for her. Sure enough, she has used it consistently since we got it for her - so much so that I realize how many batteries we are going to be going through...  We got her the t-shirt because we like to ride in the Jeep with the windows taken off completely, and her hair gets CRAZY. Last time we went fishing Stephen noted, "Jeep hair, don't care!" and we decided a t-shirt was necessary. She requested Buffalo Wild Wings for dinner so that's where we went and had an awesome time. We came home and made brownies for dessert.

Today, Stephen stayed home from work. Unfortunately, it was because Brianna had allergy testing. I know that she was so nervous. We didn't really know what to expect. When we pulled into the parking lot, I turned the car off and said, "Do you want me to pray before we go inside?" She shrugged her shoulders and nonchalantly said, "No, why would you?" I shook my head and began gathering my items in my bookbag. I turned around to tell her we could get out of the car and saw her eyes were filling with tears and her face was getting all red and splotchy. She said, "Well, maybe could you pray?" I got into the backseat with her and cradled her while I prayed. She was so scared about those multiple skin pricks. I promised her I would be with her every step of the way, and that we would take it one step at a time. For example, going inside wasn't scary! Talking to the doctor wasn't scary! We could do all those things easily. And that's how we made it through.

When the nurse came in with the huge tray of allergens I asked if she would walk Brianna through the procedure. She showed Bri all the different allergens that are tested, and then let her "scrape" herself with a practice piece so she would know what to expect. Brianna laid on her stomach and giggled while the nurse wrote all the numbers up and down her back. Her voice was shaky and so were her hands, so I know she was a nervous wreck, but she was so brave. Within seconds, her control prick was raised up and already itching. Fifteen minutes of squirming and wriggling around passed by (much quicker than usual since I brought the Kindle for her to play with) and she was done! And all that she's allergic to are oak trees, hickory tress and dust mites. Thank the Lord that we know now, and have a plan for helping her with these yucky allergies. What a trooper. I told her tonight that she's my hero. Being brave doesn't mean that you don't cry or you aren't scared, it just means you have the courage to keep going when you are scared.

And then when we got home we had the whole afternoon with Stephen because we finished all our school work before our doctor's appointment. And for being so brave, he decided to take us all to Fayetteville to eat at a new-to-us restaurant called Mod Pizza. And afterwards we went across the street to the mall and got cookies from Great American Cookie Company! So now we have eaten out two times in the past two days, which is utterly unusual for our family, but I have absolutely loved being out and about with my husband and children. Stephen's work schedule was so rough there for a while that I am just soaking up the time when we are all four together.

Thoughts on Baptism

I have been reading this book which goes really in depth in the study of evangelicalism and sacramentalism. Apparently in recent years, some Evangelicals have made the transition to Catholicism or Orthodoxy. The author goes through many differences between Evangelicals and Catholicism in particular, such as praying to Mary, confessing to a person rather than God, and using text other than scripture as the word of God. When the author started talking about baptism, I got very interested. We have some friends who believe in infant baptism, some friends who believe you must be baptized to be saved, some friends who believe if they are baptized, their whole family is saved, and some that believe you do not need to be baptized to be saved, but you do it as an outward sign of your repentance and commitment to God (I personally believe in the last option). What follows is from the author, Matthew Ferris. Whatever your viewpoint, I think this is a good topic to discuss and think about. I think you should look over scripture for yourself and decide what you believe. I enjoy a good debate and I also enjoy hearing why others believe differently from me, so this interests me, and my intent is not to offend anyone in this discussion. (Please forgive any mis-types as I typed this in quite a hurry and don't have time to re-read it at the moment.)

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Excerpt from the book "Evangelicals Adrift" by Matthew Ferris.

In sacramentalist understanding, one enters the Church and is granted forgiveness of sins through the sacrament of baptism. The evangelical usually holds to a believer's baptism, or credo-baptism. One must profess faith in Christ to be a candidate for baptism. baptism presents a physical picture of the spiritual reality of death, burial, and resurrection with Jesus. "Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life." Romans 6:3-4. The picture of one going under the water accurately depicts death and the grace - our dying with Christ. 

Thomas Schreiner notes, "It is striking that there is no sustained discussion of baptism in any of the epistles, presumably because the NT authors were writing to those who were already believers to whom the significance of baptism was explained upon their conversion. When Paul does refer to baptism, he assumes that all believers are baptized. Hence, we cannot deduce from the infrequent references to baptism that baptism was unimportant." The concept of an unbaptized Christian is simply foreign to the New Testament. The extent to which evangelicals have failed to call attention to the importance of baptism as something obedient Christians should do demonstrates their failure.

Within sacramentalism, the importance of baptism is stressed, albeit at times to an outsized proportion. Sacramentalism practices infant baptism as both an entrance rite into the new covenant with God and as that which cleanses from sin. Indeed, in this view one cannot be saved apart from baptism. "Through baptism we are freed from sin and reborn as sons of God; we become members of Christ, are incorporated into the Church and made sharers in her mission." (Catechism of the Catholic Church, p. 342). The sacramental view ascribes profound accomplishments to baptism: regeneration itself, and cleansing the baptized one from the stain of sin.

How did the sacramental church move away from believers' baptism in favor of infant baptism? In the New Testament, we meet with no certain evidence of infant baptism. In the book of Acts, where we find various instances of baptism, it is always upon belief. After Peter's Pentecost sermon, "So those who received his word were baptized, and there were added that day about three thousand souls." Acts 2:41. The Ethiopian eunuch, hearing Philip expound the gospel says, "See, here is water; what doth hinder me to be baptized?  And Philip said, If thou believest with all thine heart, thou mayest. And he answered and said, I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God." (Acts 8:36-37). 

In Acts 10, Peter had been called to the house of Cornelius, a Roman centurion, who was a God-fearer, or a Gentile who attached himself to the Mosaic Law. After his gospel preaching, all who heard believed, causing Peter to ask, “Can anyone withhold water for baptizing these people, who have received the Holy Spirit just as we have?” And he commanded them to be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ. Then they asked him to remain for some days." Acts 10:47-48. Baptism obviously followed belief in both of these cases.

The Philippian jailer's conversion is sometimes cited as evidence of infant baptism, or of household baptism, but this can only be by inference: "And he took them the same hour of the night and washed their wounds; and he was baptized at once, he and all his family." Acts 16:33. Were there small children or infants in the family? It is conjecture to assume this, as nothing is stated in the text. In short, nothing in the New Testament demonstrates any evidence of infant baptism. Rather, baptism upon profession of faith is instead seen again and again.

New Testament scholar James D.G. Dunn comments, "It is one of the standing ironies of the diversity of Christian theology and practice that the chief means of accomplishing regeneration for so many centuries has had so little foothold in the New Testament, and has not clearly been encompassed even within the wide-ranging diversity of first-century Christian practice. For it has to be recognized that infant baptism can find no real support in the theology of baptism which any New Testament writer can be shown to espouse."

Tertullian favors a delay in baptism: "The delay of baptism is preferable; principally, however, in the case of little children." He goes on to indicate that it is better if those who come for baptism can themselves understand what they are entering into: "Let them 'come', then, while they are growing up; let them 'come' while they are learning, while they are learning whither to come, let them become Christians when they have become able to know Christ." Tertullian indicates an age of accountability, implying that it is better if people attain an age when they are themselves able to understand the faith.

The Augustinian concept of original sin dovetails with that of baptismal regeneration. If the stain of original sin is removed through baptism, as the Catechism notes, then it is evident why sacramentalism assigns such prominence to baptism. Stated differently, if baptism is absolutely necessary for salvation, then its importance becomes clear. A catena of scriptural references can be cited to show that salvation is conditioned upon faith in Jesus, rather than on an external act done on their behalf without their knowledge or consent, but evangelicals should know these. For an evangelical, moving to sacramentalism requires the paradigm shift in the basis of authority to accept the hierarchical church's redefinition of what baptism is, and what it imparts.

Does the New Testament teach that baptism is a requirement of salvation? Peter's plea to his hearers at Pentecost ends with the appeal, "And Peter said to them, “Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins, and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit." (Acts 2:38). This passage is often cited as proof of the necessity of baptism. But Peter's insistence on repentance carries the implication of faith with it. To repent is to change one's mind, and the change of mind Peter pleads for is to believe that Jesus is the Messiah. Here baptism is in no way separated from faith, but accompanies it.

The other passage often brought forth is in 1 Peter 3:21 - Baptism, which corresponds to this, now saves you, not as a removal of dirt from the body but as an appeal to God for a good conscience, through the resurrection of Jesus Christ... Concerning this, Schreiner observes, "Peter immediately qualifies the statement that baptism saves. It does not save mechanically or externally as if there are magical properties in the water. Peter comments that the mere removal of dirt from the body does not bring salvation, demonstrating that the water itself does not save. Baptism is only saving if there is an appeal to God for a good conscience through the resurrection of Jesus Christ. The one receiving baptism also appeals to God for a good conscience, which means that he asks God to cleanse him of his sins on the basis of Christ's death and resurrection."

In  Corinthians 1:17, Paul states, "For Christ did not send me to baptize but to preach the gospel, and not with words of eloquent wisdom, lest the cross of Christ be emptied of its power." If baptism were an act that imparted new life, why would Paul not seek to baptize infants and children at every opportunity? As he writes later, "I have become all things to all people, that by all means I might save some." 1 Corinthians 9:22. 

On one side are those who insist, as sacramentalism does, that baptism is efficacious to save, to wash away sin, and to put one into the body of Christ. The fact that an infant cannot himself believe or exercise faith is entirely unimportant in this view. The parents are acting as proxies; their answers render as the infant's answer, their faith as the infant's faith. The practice that came to prevail of baptizing all infants led to a situation where faith is entirely unimportant; on the part of parents, or children, baptism was simply something one did as a member of a society dominated by the hierarchical church.

The deleterious effects of this are evident. It has emptied baptism of any of the meaning assigned to it in the New Testament. The identification with Christ in his death, burial, and resurrection is changed to a rite of initiation into the professing family of God. The looming question which sacramentalism must answer is this: If baptism is indeed effective in imparting new life, in washing away sin, in putting one into the church, how is it that so many people who have undergone infant baptism manifest no signs of divine life whatsoever? There are huge numbers of people who are considered part of the Roman Catholic Church or part of the Orthodox Church because they have undergone infant baptism, yet do not participate in the church or cannot be considered members of the church in any realistic way. The only conclusion is that the effectiveness of the sacrament has failed. 

Infant baptism is not limited to sacramentalism. High church Protestantism kept the practice, though its ministers changed the underlying meaning somewhat. Adherents to this draw parallels with circumcision as a rite of initiation into the covenant. Calvin and other magisterial reformers were something in agreement with Catholics on the church as a visible society of the faithful. Infant baptism was the initiation into this christened society. When pressed to explain exactly what the significance of infant baptism is, Protestants who hold to infant baptism equate it with infant dedication. None of these Protestants would insist that it removes sin, or imparts the life of Christ, and so it has a very different meaning from what the sacramental church affirms.

Not Quite Jesus' Return

Tonight I was washing dishes and rocking out to Fergie. Suddenly I heard a really low, loud rumbling, and I couldn't tell what direction it was coming from. I'm used to hearing bombing and airplanes/helicopters from our friendly local military but I knew this wasn't it. My next thought was, "Oh my gosh, Jesus is returning and I'm doing the dishes!" I knew then why hoarders hoard - there are better things we could be doing with our time than cleaning our house!

By the way, it was just the washing machine.

*Disclaimer: Don't worry, I'm not going to use the possibility of Jesus returning at any minute to not clean my house. This disclaimer is primarily for Stephen's sake.