Want #15

We wanted to go back to Georgia soon to see our family, but not really for this reason. Our Grandma Loyd passed away last night in her sleep. I'm so grateful that she wasn't in any pain.

I'm one of those people that when I know that someone dies and is going to heaven, I like to think about what they're doing up there, based on what they liked to do down here. For example, I would imagine Grandma dancing, listening to someone play the piano, or playing cards. For some reason I always think of those three things when I think of her. But the truth is that I believe in heaven people don't care about those things anymore. I believe that your time is spent doing nothing but praising God. And the funny thing is, that's pretty much what Grandma spent the last year doing (really much longer than that). Since last April she had been in and out of the hospital, and whenever she was there, what did her visitors spend their time doing? Reading her scripture and singing hymns, mainly. I think she was just preparing for an eternity of that. I don't think she'll be disappointed with what she finds heaven to be like.

I told people at church today - I'm going to miss her, but I'm not very sad. I know she wouldn't come back here for anything, and I can't say I blame her. I do ask for prayers for our family - with travels, making arrangements and so forth. I always wondered how I would react when my first grandparent died, but it's been made unbelievably easier by the fact that I know she was a Christian, and also that I was able to see her more since last April than we usually get to in a year's time.

I'm so sorry to her children, her husband, her family and friends, including myself and my children, but it's all for selfish reasons. I'll be excited to see her again.

Want #14

I don't really want anything for Valentine's Day. Back when Stephen and I were first dating we did the whole date/gift thing but we put an end to that pretty quickly. Also, I think he did get me some really comfy pajamas our first married Valentine's Day, but other than that, he's pretty much okay with not getting me anything. Imagine that. So it makes sense that today hasn't been much different from any other day, except I did decide this morning not to go to work ("It's Valentine's Day!") and I convinced him to order pizza tonight ("It's Valentine's Day!"). Other than that, I'm glad I wasn't expecting anything, because this is all I got:

True, it says it's from Steve, but not my Steve. Steve from work gave me my only Valentine's Day present!! They were delicious, too.

We were lazy today. We slept in until about 7:30 and then decided we just didn't feel like getting up so we read for almost an hour. Then we immediately went to the living room and watched Thunderball, although I did get some magazines read and put away during that, and cleaned up a bit of clutter during the boring parts.

I need to insert a disclaimer here. Stephen, who never bothers to read this blog, just happened to read over my shoulder about our mutual agreement to not give each other presents. This is, in fact, a mutual agreement that we are both completely satisfied with! Let me make it clear that I do not want anything for Valentine's Day, nor do I expect anything. Except Papa John's with lots of extra garlic sauce and a Coke.

Anyway. Stephen took apart his car door this afternoon because the window on the passenger side gets stuck when you roll it down. It can be rolled up with a lot of manpower.

Done and done! He giddily took apart the door and did something to make the window roll up and down like a normal car. He's like a car surgeon. Now I can have my window rolled down anytime I want!

The main part of our afternoon was spent at our friend Bruce's funeral. We knew him first through our preacher's wife - he was her brother. When we moved back here after Charleston, he was doing the youth group. We started working with him until a few months later when he decided we were ready to take it on by ourselves, mainly because we wanted to and he had a vision to do a prison ministry and young adults class. Bruce really started the prison ministry at our church, and it was very close to his heart for a specific reason. For his whole life, he had struggled with drug and alcohol problems, and he had been in jail countless times. One of those times, a church came to the jail, and he was saved as a result. We didn't know him before that, but everyone who knew him previously said he did a complete 180 degree lifestyle change. About a year ago, he left our church and within a couple of months we found out why. He was back into his old habits, big time, and even had a couple of DUIs pending. To make a long story short, and spare the details, his whole family (including us - the church family) struggled to do for him whatever we could do to make him know that we loved him, that he was welcome at church, that we would do anything for him. In the end, the guilt from things he had done over the past few months just caught up to him, and he took his life last Tuesday night.

Since then, so many of us have struggled with questions - why did this happen? could I have done anything differently? That's been my main one. But the answer I know, is, probably not. Bruce felt like he had let so many people down that he didn't have any other way of dealing with that guilt. Our preacher Tony, his brother-in-law, had to preach the service today. The only good thing about the service was the fact that we truly believe Bruce was saved. Even though he was struggling with addiction and ended up losing the battle, none of us believe that a person can lose their salvation. I truly believe that the only way he could be set free is this way. As Tony said today, for the first time now, he's no longer struggling with addiction. He no longer feels the weight of that guilt. No, he didn't make a good decision, but his fight is over now. He's free. It makes me so sick to think that I'll never see him again on this earth, and it makes me angry that his family has to be put through this pain, but I believe he really is better off now. Please pray for his family - he has a daughter and many other family members that are going to go through a lot of phases of grief for a long time. I don't know anything other than time and prayer that will really make them feel closure, so that's what I ask for.