I Didn't Do It

There are certain things that do not happen in this household. They just don't.

For example, we did not let our 5-month old eat a coaster from Ruby Tuesday last night because it kept her from screaming.

I did not find pieces of cardboard in her poopy diaper today.

Stephen did not yank on our faucet so hard today the top flew off and water sprayed everywhere, drenching him and our kitchen.

We would never laugh so loud that we'd almost scare Brianna if the aforementioned incident did take place.

I did not let Bri lick a lollipop I had because I know she likes cherry-flavored things.

Stephen did not let her lick the lid of his Mountain Dew can.

I did not put her in a sling designed for a newborn yesterday because it was the only thing that would keep her quiet for a few minutes.

I did not put her in her bouncer seat in the bathroom today and then turn the blow-dryer on and leave her to fall asleep.

Never.