Life Update

First of all, something to tickle your funny bone. I'm a member of a group called "mooreleefreecycle"; a group dedicated to giving away and asking for items for free - anything from kittens to cars to textbooks. This was one of the "requests" I got in my email this morning:

"If you have a week of warm weather you are not using. Please forward to me the location and I will be glad to come pick it up. As long as it is over 65* it can have a few rainy days included.
Thanks."

I love it! That made me giggle.

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I guess if I have to say segue, it's not much of one.

Last night Brianna was up all night. Fortunately, we were not having to get up with her, but we certainly heard her. She woke up about every two hours, but within about 2 minutes she was back to sleep. I have to wonder if her teeth were bothering her. I think they really have been the past few days. On Saturday she felt warm (I don't think she had a fever, but her temperature may have just been raised slightly) and she kept pulling at her bottom teeth. We gave her Baby Orajel and Tylenol twice and both times that seemed to do the trick. Yesterday she seemed much happier and content. But this morning already seems like a repeat of Saturday. She is gnawing on her bottle nipple as much as drinking from it, dripping snot from her nose, pulling on her teeth again, and just wants to be held. I gave her a dose of Dimetapp and some Baby Orajel and I think it helped some. She has these tiny bags under her eyes and she looked exhausted, but she has started fighting sleep the past couple of days (naps only). So I logged off of work and took her upstairs to rock her.

For the next portion of time, I sang and rocked while she cuddled, then switched positions, then cuddled, then grunted, moved positions again, buried her face in my armpit, and then finally settled in one spot. Her eyes would get droopy, then pop open like, "What?? What?? I'm not tired, I promise!" Anyone who has ever babysat her has been witness to this. Finally her pacifier dropped out of her mouth and the loudest snores I have ever heard from a child her age began. I can only imagine she gets this from her O'pa, who drives away bed partners with the range of his snores!!

I haven't held her like that in so long - like a "baby". She's never really been one to cuddle, and everyone always says, when she does finally cuddle, you know she's exhausted. Like she's just giving up. But the thing is, it's not totally her fault.

I'm so busy. I was actually aggravated at having to log off work to go rock her. I breathe a sigh of relief when she goes down for naps because now I can check things off my list - clip coupons, do laundry, unload the dishwasher... all those important things.

It's been months since she let me rock her like that. She's so squirmy lately!! And now who knows when she'll let me do it again. But I'm so darn busy that I forgot what it was like to just sit still for a few minutes and enjoy rocking my daughter and singing to her while she plants a palm smack in the middle of my nose or tries to rip my glasses off my face.

It's true what everyone says - the dust can pile up, the laundry can spill over into your kitchen, the dishes in the sink can crust up and mold, but what really matters is your baby. Your baby that in a few months is

Brianna was crying, so I stopped mid-sentence to take the opportunity to go sit with her again. This time she laid vertically on me and I almost fell asleep too. And this time, as I was rocking her, I realized... I am my mother! I am my grandmother! How many countless times when I was a kid (not a baby) did I crawl into my mom's lap or my Granny's lap? Even if I didn't fall asleep it was so cozy. And they had this certain smell - I can remember that. And it just felt good. And now, I am that to someone. And it's crazy! But it gives me hope. Because the sentence that I stopped writing to go get her was going to end - "not going to want you to hold her". But I wanted my mom to hold me when the Wizard of Oz scared me, I wanted her to hold me as she read to me, I wanted Granny to hold me in church services so I could sleep, and absolutely I wanted mom to hold me when I didn't feel good. So it makes me very hopeful that there will be many opportunities when Bri will want me to hold her in the future even though I know she will go through phases where she doesn't want me to touch her!

Another thing, changing the subject slightly. As soon as Bri goes down for a nap I start trying to get things done, as I mentioned earlier. But I believe there are certain things I should be paying more attention to. For example, I read my Bible every day at some point, and usually some kind of study book to go along with it. But there are way too many nights that I am doing it just to do it. And if you can't remember anything about what you read the day before, wasn't it just pointless? If I'm just marking it off my to-do list, I shouldn't even be doing it.

So my new resolution? Every time Brianna takes a nap at home, for the first 15 minutes she is asleep I'm going to read my Bible or read a book pertaining to studying the Bible. After all, studying my Bible should be a top priority every day anyway. This way I'll really put some time into it and hopefully retain a lot more. This should mean at least two 15-minute sessions during the day plus whatever I do before bedtime. I really think this is going to be a great habit to start.

Uhhh... speaking of which, I took so long writing this post that Brianna is waking up again. Looks like I'm going back to my position as a rocker!