So, mom calls me this morning at work to tell me that for a "small fee", she will come to work and run around screaming. (The kids are back in school today.) I tell her I have to check the budget, but I decided to check her qualifications first.
Mom: I can scream, and I can run around, maybe not as fast as I used to, but I can.
Me: Can you start fights?
Mom: Oh yeah! (proceeds to shriek) YOU'RE BREATHING MY AIR!!
Me: Very good! Can you play Hide and Seek?
Me: Can you hide under my desk?
Mom: Uh... I don't know how big your desk is.