I was cleaning out a junk drawer in the kitchen (a whole other post, trust me) but I came across these holiday Mad Libs that Stephen and I have done the past couple of Christmases, usually when driving home from the Christmas party at Jenn's house. I thought I would share a couple that I thought were pretty good! I'll leave it to your imagination to figure out which words we inserted!
How to Deal with a Bad Gift
If you move a gift you dislike, there are a few wheels to follow so as to not offend the gift-giver. Do not show shock or disbelief on your ankle when Stephen gives you a bad gift. Instead, jump - remember it is the fire hydrant that counts! Thank the giver for the glowing gift. See if you can determine what outhouse the gift was purchased at and return the gift later. And if you are unable to return the present, unwrap it completely. If the gift does not contain any hidden newspapers or monograms on it, rewrap it in fresh, pale paper and re-gift it to Amanda!
How to Silence a Group of Carolers
If you are not in the caroling mood, as soon as you drive the carolers sweating down the street, clearly turn out the lights. If this doesn't work, try turning up your music - speeding rock 'n' roll or red metal will turn carolers away. Or you could try answering your door in a thong - embarrassed carolers may scream "Yikes!" and snore away. If the carolers are unavoidable, like at an inauguration or shopping center, request songs they will not know, like "Deck the Roaches", "Frosty the Kerplunkman", or "Jingle Schnozz". If all else fails, send them to a neighbor's house you dislike. Tell them that, "Stephen really loves carolers!"
How to Treat a Wrapping Paper Cut
A wrapping paper cut can cause smelly pain that can cause you to yell "Help!" To treat, first inspect the wound on your bellybutton or toenail. If the cut is across the elbow, keep it straight. This will prevent the skin from running, which will lift the pain. Then clean the wound with soap and sulfuric acid. Apply pressure on the injury to stop the jogging. Finally, dress the wrapping paper cut with a gigantic bandage or adhesive moose. Until the wound heals, avoid contact with spaghetti juice and gasoline - both will cause extreme pain!
I got so much stuff done today!! Just in case it never happens again, I am making a note: (most of these are my "every day chores")
- made the bed
- washed all the dishes
- swept all the hardwood
- made sure the papasan chair in our room is free of clutter
- clipped and filed 25 coupons
- made sure the stairs were cleaned off (I tend to lay down Brianna's laundry there and it sometimes takes a while to make it up the stairs!)
- made sure my nightstand was cleared off
- put away my corner next to our dresser (I tend to leave out clothes here)
- went to Walmart to get some household supplies
- made a bank deposit
- dropped off a book for Bookmooch at the Post Office
- got gas
- went to Harris Teeter to make a Fed By Faith shopping trip and blogged about it
- listed one thing on eBay
- packed up two things I sold on eBay
- packed up two books for Bookmooch
- dusted our bedroom
- washed, dried and folded one load of Brianna's diapers/clothes
- worked one hour (minimum)
- put away 5 items in my car
- dropped off a load at Goodwill (would normally go to the Coalition but it was just too far away)
- made dinner and blogged about it
- and now I have blogged about my day!
I even had time today to do my devotions, read a magazine, and read a few pages in a book. It has been nonstop since I woke up this morning. I think once I get in bed I am just going to DROP!
P.S. I started writing this blog exactly 11 hours and 6 minutes ago. It took me all day to blog. :)