Monday, March 31, 2008
Sunday, March 30, 2008
2. Don't flip off the Mafia.
3. If you're riding a bicycle down a hill, turn your head before you spit.
4. Wash behind your ears, not behind your eyes.
5. Light birthday cake candles from back to front.
6. Don't shave with a lawn mower.
7. Just because your body has orifices doesn't mean you should put things into them.
8. Don't stick screwdrivers into electrical outlets.
9. Although they are sold in grocery stores, batteries are not food. Do not break them open and drink what's inside.
10. The warning "Don't try this at home" really means "Don't try this at all."
11. Don't bathe in a tub full of snow.
12. Don't iron clothes while wearing them.
13. The expression "Life in the fast line" should not inspire you to live in the road.
14. Don't eat hot coals.
15. Don't escape into jail.
16. Don't wash floors with cough syrup.
17. Don't kick porcupines with bare feet.
18. Don't sled down hills with interstates at the bottom.
19. Sell at most one of your kidneys.
20. Don't lie down in a cattle pen.
21. Forks need carry food no farther than your mouth.
22. Don't test the strength of your skull with a nail gun.
23. Only squeeze the handle end of a sword.
24. Don't snap towels at passing cops.
25. Don't throw an angry cat straight up.
26. Don't lick dry ice.
27. Before you leap upside down onto a trampoline, make sure it's right side up.
28. Don't pour salt in your eyes.
29. Your body has the correct number of holes in it. Don't make any more.
30. Don't microwave yourself.
31. Don't chase a bear into the woods to get a close-up photo.
32. Don't swallow toothpaste.
33. Don't chew Tylenol.
34. Don't bathe in gasoline.
35. Don't sneak up to a stallion and whack it on the rump.
36. Don't drink water that comes from swimming pools, puddles, bathtubs, dishpans, sewage pipes, radiators, oceans, acid rain, or toilet bowls.
37. Don't stick body parts into electrical outlets.
38. Don't listen to music from the Spice Girls.
39. Don't lick toads, bulls, or jellyfish.
40. Don't go swimming in a well.
41. Rake leaves, not people.
42. Shovels are for digging holes in the ground, not the floor of your house.
43. Contrary to popular opinion, you're not supposed to strip the protective rubber coating off electrical wires before plugging them in.
44. If you want to chew gum, buy some. Don't use the gum from underneath the seats at schools and movie theaters even though it's free.
45. Don't kick stone walls very hard without wearing thick-soled shoes or boots.
46. Even if you need to get downstairs quickly, don't jump out of a window -- use the stairs.
47. When using an acetylene torch, don't feel the flame to see if it's sufficiently hot. Better yet, stay away from acetylene torches altogether.
48. Walking barefoot in the sand is good. Walking barefoot on a cactus is bad.
49. Elvis is dead. Get over it.
50. Wear clothes.
51. Use a pot holder when removing items from the oven.
52. If you're on a ball field and someone shouts "Heads up!" don't actually raise your head up. Cover it with your arms and duck.
53. Don't drink.
54. Don't drive.
55. Don't tie yourself to an airplane propeller.
56. Don't brush your teeth with a wire-bristled sanding wheel.
57. When using a weed whacker, don't hold the end with the wire.
58. When using a blow gun -- something you should always have a very good reason for doing anyway -- draw your breath before placing your lips around the barrel.
59. No matter how tempting it is to be one with nature, stay on the outside of all fences at the zoo.
60. Give me all your money.
61. When sticking thumb tacks into bulletin boards, press on the flat end.
62. Toasters should be used to cook bread, not your hands.
I can't remember the website I got these from. These crack me up!
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Friday, March 28, 2008
2. Don't take naps in the road.
3. Don't stoke fires with your fingers.
4. Don't throw a brick straight up.
5. Don't breathe car exhaust.
6. If you ever meet the President, don't offer him the surprise gift of a firearm by whipping it suddenly out of your coat pocket.
7. For all pertinent tasks, use a hammer, not your fist.
8. Walk around toxic waste dumps, not through them.
9. Don't stargaze with friends on a hilltop in a thunderstorm and use metal fishing rods as pointers.
10. The stuff on the bottom of your shoe is not for internal consumption.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
GOLF, n. 1. A game that consists of a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic. 2. A game of opposites - the world's slowest people are ahead of you, and the fastest are behind. 3. A colorful sport that keeps you on the green, in the pink, and financially in the red. 4. A game which is allowed to be played on Sunday (under blue laws) because it was not considered a game by the law, but a form of moral effort. 5. A game a lot like taxation - you drive hard to get to the green, and then you find yourself in a hole.
GOLF CART, n. 1. A popular mode of transportation because, unlike a caddie, it can neither count, criticize, nor snicker.
GOLFER, n. 1. A person who yells "fore," takes six, and puts down five; 2. A guy who has the advantage over a fisherman - he doesn't have to bring home anything when he brags he had a great day.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
6. Longest Ear Hair
5. Largest Collection of Traffic Cones
4. Greatest Distance Moonwalked in One Hour
3. Longest Trading Card Marathon
2. Most Functional Folding Knife
1. Most Snails on Face
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
1. Becoming A Prayer Warrior by Elizabeth Alves
2. Driven By Eternity by John Bevere
3. Glow in the Dark by Bill Bright
4. The Irresistible Revolution: Living as an Ordinary Radical by Shane Claiborne
5. I Am American (And So Can You!) by Stephen Colbert
6. Lies Young Women Believe: And the Truth That Sets Them Free by Nancy DeMoss
7. Shadows of Light by Eva Marie Everson
8. Life With God: Reading the Bible for Spiritual Transformation by Richard Foster
9. A Young Man After God's Own Heart: Turn Your Life into an Extreme Adventure by Jim George
10. The 13 Most Important Bible Lessons for Teenagers
11. Slightly Bad Girls of the Bible: Flawed Women Loved by a Flawless God by Liz Curtis Higgs
12. Becoming a Contagious Christian by Bill Hybels
13. Too Busy Not to Pray by Bill Hybels
14. The Reason for God: Belief in an Age of Skepticism by Timothy Keller
15. unChristian: What a New Generation Really Thinks about Christianity by David Kinnaman
16. Remember Me? by Sophie Kinsella
17. Shopaholic & Baby by Sophie Kinsella
18. Amish Country Crossroads by Beverly Lewis
19. Courtship of Nellie Fisher series by Beverly Lewis
20. Just Hand Over the Chocolate and No One Will Get Hurt by Karen Linamen
21. 3:16: The Numbers of Hope by Max Lucado
22. And the Angels Were Silent: Walking With Christ Toward the Cross by Max Lucado
23. Come Thirsty: No Heart Too Dry For His Touch by Max Lucado
24. It's Not About Me by Max Lucado
25. A Tale of Two Sons by John MacArthur
26. 12 Extraordinary Women by John MacArthur
27. 12 Ordinary Men by John MacArthur
28. Lord Change My Attitude (Before It's Too Late)by James MacDonald
29. Humility: True Greatness by C.J. Mahaney
30. Truth Unplugged by Gena Maselli
31. If You Want to Walk on Water, You've Got to Get Out of the Boat by John Ortberg
32. Nineteen Minutes by Jodi Picoult
33. Boom: A Guy's Guide to Growing Up by Michael Ross
34. A Warrior's Heart by Michael Ross
35. 30 Years a Watchtower Slave by William Schnell
36. One Month to Live by Kerry Shook
37. Essential Truths of the Christian Faith by R.C. Sproul
38. David Great Lives Series by Charles Swindoll
39. Great Lives: Fascinating Stories of Forgotten Lives by Charles Swindoll.
40. Paul: A Man of Grit and Grace by Charles Swindoll
41. Discover Your Spiritual Gifts by Peter Wagner
42. Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World by Joanna Weaver
43. Sophie's Heart by Lori Wick
44. 23 Minutes in Hell by Bill Wiese
45. Renovation of the Heart by Dallas Willard
46. The Parables of Jesus by Matt Williams
47. Because of Jesus by Connie Witter
48. Prayer: Does it Make Any Difference? by Philip Yancey
49. 100 Things Guys Need to Know by Bill Zimmerman
I feel like I should add one more to make it an even number. Of course, this doesn't include all the books I already own that I SHOULD be reading, which I might make a list of at another time, except that REALLY no one even cares about this!!
I am back on track pretty much after having bronchitis, although I am still phlegmy. Although Stephen stayed home from work today, but I think his is more of a mental health day than anything. We have just been going and going and going for the past couple of months. Our immune systems are telling us to slow down! If anyone has any great books they'd like me to read, please let me know and I'll add them to my bookmooch wishlist!
Monday, March 24, 2008
Sunday, March 23, 2008
2. mom and dad
3. card games
11. more card games
12. Easter egg hunts
14. Easter baskets
15. leading the March Madness brackets (although I may have just jinxed myself...)
Saturday, March 22, 2008
2. I am sweating from my hot flashes.
3. CranApple is so good.
4. Naps are so good.
5. I'm making pound cake right now.
6. We saved $51 grocery shopping today, and only spent a little over $100 for our monthly rounds!
7. I love buy one, get one free.
8. I am exhausted.
9. Joel McHale makes me giggle.
10. My husband is a great nurse.
Friday, March 21, 2008
When: Friday, March 21 at 8pm and Saturday, March 22 at 8pm
Where: Faith Baptist Church, 2180 Carthage Rd, West End NC 27376 (there is a map here)
This is an outdoor drama that takes you from the time Jesus was betrayed in the garden by Judas until the resurrection. We have worked incredibly hard on everything, from lighting to the costumes to making everything scripturally accurate. We wrote this play, it wasn't bought by us. It is so important to us that as many people see it as possible in hopes that someone will get saved from it!!
Come and see Jesus beaten as He carries the cross, see Him praying in the garden, see Him be literally lifted up on the cross, and then see the awesome ending!
Stephen is the thief on the cross that gets saved and I am a crowd member who is a spitter! Although I probably won't since I'd hate to actually infect anyone...
The man who is playing Jesus is utterly, insanely believable. I promise you, if you are able to come you will not regret it. If you need better directions than on the map, email me or call me, or comment and I will get you there!!
Thursday, March 20, 2008
2. The average hospital bill is $13, 415.
3. The average person changes careers every 13 years.
4. The average baby is 75% water - the average adult is 60% water.
5. 40% of NYC cab drivers hail from Pakistan.
6. 74% of Americans believe our government engages in clandestine activity.
7. Toy makers introduced the first baby doll that ate and dirtied her diapers in 1972.
8. Gazing directly at stars though a telescope can damage the eye's retina, but not iris.
9. Melted butter does not help burns.
10. The first evidence of lipstick used was found in a 5000 year old Sumarian cave.
11. 1 in 3 people believe plastic is essential to life.
12. Doctors believe 1 in 7 people can't digest milk.
13. Ancient Europeans believed milk baths cured wrinkles.
14. Half of Americans think Socrates was an Indian chief.
15. Cher is dyslexic.
16. Pirates still exist - they were responsible for 51 deaths in 1997.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
B) FOUR PEOPLE WHO E-MAIL ME: Stephen, Jenn, Gail, Taylor
C) FOUR OF MY FAVORITE FOODS: mexican, italian, american, subs/sandwiches (I think that pretty much covers it!)
D) FOUR PLACES I WOULD RATHER BE RIGHT NOW: church, Pennsylvania, outdoors, out with fun people
E) FOUR MOVIES I WOULD WATCH OVER AND OVER: Closer, Love Actually, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, 50 First Dates
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
10. When team makes a basket, everyone hugs and squeals, "Yippee!"
9. Players look like the fat guy from "Lost"
8. Coach keeps pronouncing NCAA "NICKAHHHHH"
7. Before hitting the court, team eats lovely meal of fettuccine alfredo
6. They spend timeouts discussing who will win "American Idol"
5. Team let shot clock expire because they enjoy the buzz
4. School's mascot is a giant asthma inhaler
3. Players regularly leave the game early to beat traffic
2. Point guard is leading the league in hernias
1. They score less than Eliot Spitzer
Monday, March 17, 2008
2. Achy body
4. Hot flashes/cold chills
5. Dry cough
1. staying home from work
2. chicken noodle soup
3. hot tea
4. watching TV all day
5. sleeping as long as you want
6. orange juice
7. curling up beside a fire under blankets
Not that being sick is fun but if you don't feel too bad, it's kind of like a free vacation day!
Sunday, March 16, 2008
2. You've been driving on the spare tire for over three months.
3. Fast food is your idea of fine dining.
4. You spend more time counting change during a single week than you spend at church.
5. You're outraged when the price of a can of soda goes up a nickel.
6. You haven't purchased anything name brand in over 10 years.
7. You take the pennies from the container next to the cash register.
8. Your family gets Christmas presents the week after Christmas because you love that 50% discount!
9. Matinee. Every time.
10. Ramen flavors correspond to days of the week in your home.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Group 1 Crew
System of a Down
Puddle of Mudd
Jars of Clay
Black Label Society
American Head Charge
David Crowder Band
That's all I can think of right now. The best performances were:
Jars of Clay
There's so many more I want to go to!!!
Friday, March 14, 2008
2. Pretending I'm 15 while I'm on the van with the youth group
3. Laughing hysterically
4. Making my way to the front of the mosh pit when we get to the concert
5. Jumping up and down a lot
6. Throwing my hands in the air a lot
7. Sweating. Badly.
8. Buying a concert T-shirt
9. Talking excitedly in between bands
10. Taking tons of pictures on my phone since cameras aren't allowed
11. Trying to meet Skillet and Barlowgirl
12. Trying not to buy any food at the concert
13. Getting a good seat!
14. Getting home safely and without getting lost
15. Having the best time ever!!
Thursday, March 13, 2008
1. Nicole had dreamed of this moment, sharing a kiss with Jason, ever since she'd watched Gone With the Wind in seventh-grade English class.
2. She wanted to kiss that mouth into a full smile.
3. If he hadn't been holding her close, she would have melted into a puddle on the floor.
4. "I can't wait four years. I can't even wait four minutes. Do I stand a chance that you love me?"
5. Jack played the strings of her heart. And she could name that tune. It was love.
6. After she left, his senses reeled hours later with her jasmine scent and feminine loveliness.
7. "Ty," she whispered. "Yes," he purred.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
What's your first name?
What is your relationship status?
What is your favorite color?
Who is your celebrity crush?
What band are you listening to right now?
Who is your favorite Disney princess?
Name an alcoholic drink:
What is your dream vacation?
What do you want to be when you grow up?
What do you love most in life?
One word to describe yourself?
I was born in:
I was raised in:
Blondes or brunettes?
Night or day?
What is your favorite movie?
What is your favorite season?
What is your favorite food?
What is your favorite sport?